Be Still My Heart; Kate Winslet Has Left Her Husband for Me.

Posted by politicalpartypooper on March 15, 2010

Britishly Beautiful

Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet has split from her film director husband Sam Mendes, a British law firm said Monday.  (Actually, I got that from the Huffington Post, which said a British Law Firm said it.  I wouldn’t know what the British Law Firm said…I wasn’t there).

But…Thank God!  Now she can marry someone better suited for her; like me.  I feel horrible for her two children, though.  There is no denying the fact that for children, divorce is ruinous.  But since I didn’t cause the breakup, why should I feel guilty for finally wanting to hook up with my “soul-mate”?  After all, this was bound to happen sooner or later.  Kate, will you marry me?

For those of you who think her heart belongs to Leo DiCaprio, PLEASE.  That was a movie, and we all know how long movie romances last.  Besides, Kate wants a real man, not some pretty boy who ACTS like a real man.

Kate, I await your answer on bended knee, and with supreme confidence that our heretofore sundered souls shall once again be made whole.  Please answer me  in your best bedroom English accent.  You know how that melts me.    Ω


2 Responses to “Be Still My Heart; Kate Winslet Has Left Her Husband for Me.”

  1. Rotten Tomato said

    attractive young woman, by even American standards (gees she has a pretty smile, rare in Britain), however beauty is indeed only skin deep. Heed these words of advice from Mr. Biz Markie.

    • politicalpartypooper said

      Her smile is what gets me every time. Plus, I hear she really is a down-to-earth British gal. For all of their weirdness, the Brits every so often get one right. Kate is right.

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