I Like Republicans, Cuz They Tell Me about Everything I Should be Afraid of.
Posted by politicalpartypooper on March 11, 2010
It’s review time! Debate on the “Health Care Bill” has gone on for over a year, and I thought we should review the Republican understanding of what’s in the bill. Even though I know this will piss off my Conservative readers, I think it’s necessary, because Republicans have deciphered much of what was in the bill in order to “keep us safe”.
Let’s take a look at the many different ways they’ve kept us safe over the last year.
1. Death Panels!! Oh noes!! The Feds are gonna kill Grandma!
2. Socialized Medicine!! Can Stalin and Hitler be far behind? Will we soon be planting corporate farms for our masters? Oh…wait…we already do that. Never mind.
3. Waiting Lines!!! You are going to have to get in line at 4:00 AM on Black Friday, for a prescription of Viagara next year! And…you will have to wait for…gasp…some strange doctor to stick his hand up your butt.
4. Gubment takeover of healthcare!! Run for the hills!
5. Cram the bill down our throats!! Which will cost us even more with all the people choking!
6. No tort reforms!! Everybody is going to starve because Grandma will be too dead to make one of her famous Torts for desert! They want to change her recipe before they kill her! Ahhh!!!
7. No more Doctors!!! Every doctor in the United States will leave and go work in other “foreigner” countries to get paid more because….you know…they also have SOCIALIZED MEDICINE!!!.
8. Budget Deficits!! We’ve never had them before!!! But… but… under Obama, we do!!
9. Obamacare!!! Everybody’s gonna die!!
10. Fear!!! If you pass this bill, Republicans are gonna tell all their followers to vote for them out of fear!! If you don’t pass this bill, they’ll tell everyone to vote for Democrats!! Cuz that’s how honorable Republicans are!
11. Insurers can’t compete with a Public Option!!
12. But they CAN compete across state lines!! or something!!
13. Insurers just want to be your friend!! But the Gubment wants to CONTROL you!!
14. It’s a Trap!!! The health care summit is a trap!!
15. Rationing!!! No!!! Goddammit!! No!!! I’m Hungry!!
16. “If Obama Is Allowed To Sell This… He Wins.” !!! Actual words found in the conclusion of a Republican poll. Oh noes!!! Obama wins!!
17. Illegal Immigrants will be invited to America for free health care!!!
18. Health Care Reform will be used to deny care to Republicans!!! Yup, they actually said that.
19. It’s CANADIAN Style health care!! Which is almost as bad as Canadian bacon!
20. If it passes, Rush Limbaugh will leave us!!! Sniff…what? Huh? Really? Oh noes!! Will the insanity never end??!
I, of course, could go on for a very long time, but I think twenty reasons to be afraid of health care reform is enough, don’t you? I’m locking myself in my bathroom now, and putting on my snuggie. Old Joe Stalin can’t get me in here! I won’t come out. I won’t. I won’t. I won’t.
This entry was posted on March 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Tagged: dealth panels, fear, Government takeover, Grandma, health care reform, Obama, Republican, socialized medicine, tort reform. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.