POLITICAL PARTY POOPER

WE WON'T BE SAFE WHILE POLITICAL PARTIES ARE LEGAL

Goldman Sachs Average Wage is $500,000

Posted by politicalpartypooper on March 2, 2010

Goldman Sachs has more than 31,700 employees world-wide.  Average pay?  $500,000 per year.

If I were naive, I might say something like, “What a wonderful company to work for!”

Did you know that the President of the United States earns $400,000 per year?  Goldman Sachs must really be doing really well to be able to pay each and every one of its employees $500,000 a year.  Wow!  How can I get hired by them?

Okay.  Reality hits, and I realize that an assistant working for Goldman Sachs probably only earns $30,000, while a personal banker earns somewhere around $35 – $60,000 per year, unless he is really, really good, and then he may earn as much as $80,000 or more.  Which begs the question; with a compensation package that causes your average wage to be $500,000, why are so many earning less than $100,000?  In fact, I have to conclude that the vast majority of Goldman Sachs employees earn less than $100k, but the company could afford to pay them so much more.  After all, the AVERAGE is $500,000, which is more than ten times the national average.

What am I missing?  Where are my Republican friends to explain this to me?  Why am I having such a hard time grasping the fact that with a company average of $500k, the overwhelming majority of Goldman employees earn less than $100k?  Is this where they tell me, “Well duh!  You HAVE to pay executives 200 times more than normal workers, ‘cuz they’re WORTH EVERY PENNY!”

So I did some math.  Let’s suppose that 28,700 of Goldman’s employees earn $100k each. (Obviously, they don’t earn that much, but let’s just suppose)  That would leave 3,000 employees earning an average of $4.6 Million per year.

Who wants to bet that the number of employees earning more than $1 Million is much less than 3,000?  Where, oh where are my Republican friends?  I NEED them to explain this to me.  The numbers tell me that Goldman could afford to pay ALL of its employees $200,000 per year, and still pay its top execs more than $3 Million per year.  I know of many small business execs that would give their left arm to earn that kind of cash.  Yet at Goldman, they still have a large majority of their employees earning less than even $100k.

Please, my Republican buddies, tell me I am wrong about this.  Please loudly call me a wealth redistributing socialist who wants to punish wealthy execs by paying every employee a better wage!  Punish them to the tune of only paying them $3 Million a year!

How dare me!  How heartless of a socialist can I possibly be?  Don’t I know how much responsibility they have?  Aren’t I aware that every executive at Goldman Sachs has ten times the responsibility of the President of the United States, and they deserve to be paid like they do?  Goddamn me!  Goddamn me to hell!  You Socialist, commie, pinko bastard, you Polticalpartypooping, marxist wealth redistributor!  You are going to destroy Capitalism by paying the bottom feeders a higher wage and punishing those poor executives by only paying them $3 Million a year!

In other news, Goldman Sachs board rejected Shareholder demands for an investigation into their compensation practices, so, that ends that.  What do the Shareholders know, anyway?  They’re just the mostly middle class owners of Goldman Sachs; they wouldn’t understand complex things like executive compensation, or why there has to be such a huge chasm between bottom feeder pay and executive pay.

But, I have it on good authority that a group of shareholders has banded together. Shareholder lawsuits filed recently in New York and Delaware charge that Goldman’s compensation levels in 2009 were too high.

Shareholder lawsuits?!  Oh my God!  The owners of the company are suing?

What in the everlasting brimstonic fires that make up hell are they thinking?  Are they TRYING to destroy Capitalism?  Who, oh who, will help Goldman Sachs executives!?  Who will save them?  Where is the Republican Senator who will stand up for their rights?  Where is the Conservative talk radio host who will trumpet this discrimination to the highest heights?  Who will rescue the deprived class of Goldman Sachs executives who are beset on every side by Socialists?  Who will keep them safe from their owners?!

And if this lawsuit succeeds, what’s to stop the shareholding owners from telling the executives to start paying the bottom feeders more equitably?  Or from demanding a higher return on their investment, rather than giving so much of that profit to a select few?  Where does this madness end?!

What’s to stop shareholding owners from telling Goldman Sachs how they have to pay everyone?  Since when do we allow owners of a company to dictate to a handful of wealthy executives what they can and cannot do?

You know what that is, don’t you?

It’s…gulp…SOCIALISM!

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5 Responses to “Goldman Sachs Average Wage is $500,000”

  1. Liberty4all said

    Next up, entertainment industry? You know, like Keith Olberman?

    • politicalpartypooper said

      Liberty,

      Is that you, Jonah?

      Also, you aren’t defending the execs, are you? Their gluttony here is indefensible.

      • Liberty4all said

        No I’m not. I used to rail against athletic salaries, we all end up paying for it through product prices.

        Thing is, they’ve reached a pinnacle, and I’m certain there’s a line
        behind them, ready to knock them off to get their share.

        Some people need the power, the challenge, and that’s their outlet.
        Believe me, you’re not going to be able to stop the existence of
        type A personalities. They will find outlets, no matter what the
        political terain is like.

        Are you pleased that we pay out ex presidents phone bills, etc?
        Especially when they are very able to pay them theirselves?
        I believe Clinton’s is $80,000 a year.

      • Liberty4all said

        This asshole get’s paid millions a year for running his mouth.
        I used to like him.

      • Liberty4all said

        Look on the bright side PPP, the local state and fed get 30-40% of that.

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