Posted by politicalpartypooper on January 12, 2009

You get all this!  But wait, that's not all!

Like I said yesterday, $700 Billion creates 11,666,666 jobs paying $60,000 per year.  The only caveat is sustainability.

Anyone here think this is what we’ll see?

Here’s my prediction for the stimulus package, written like a ginsu knife commercial:

“If you act now, here’s what you will receive.  But don’t take our word for it.  Just ask Donna, who received her $1,000 tax credit last year.  Listen to what Donna has to say”

“I, too, thought it was all bunk, but then I received my economic stimulus package:  You can too!  Here’s what you’ll get!  And don’t forget to call now!

1.  A $1,000 tax credit for Americans earning less than $150,000!  (there, that oughta fix it)  Now how much would you pay?

2.  A one billion dollar gift to every Special Interest that donates more than one hundred thousand dollars to the Democrat and Republican parties.

3.  Congress will get a raise.  But wait!  That’s not all!

4.  The President will get a raise, too!

5.  Big Oil will get some money, because there is no way they can be making it right now only making one billion in profits per quarter.  No way.  They’ll need help!  You get to give it to them!

6.  The Health Insurance Lobby will get Billions to find a way to rape more Americans of hard earned dollars, while making it alright by covering approximately five percent more citizens, and raising premiums.

7.   The Estate tax will not be repealed.  Hard working Americans and small business owners will get to pay taxes on the same money one last time, even after they are dead.  Now how much would you pay for all this?  But wait, there’s more!

8.  New jobs will be created through infrastructure improvements, proving that yes, even the American Mafia will profit both from contract fixing and union labor dues.

9.  A new bridge to nowhere will be built somewhere.

10.  Congress will raise taxes on the Uberwealthy, and immediately create new loopholes for them to avoid paying those taxes, or any other taxes, ever.  You’d expect to pay $775 Billion for all that!  But look what else you get!

11. Corporations will continue to send jobs overseas, because money made overseas that stays overseas isn’t taxed.  Remember that Campaign issue?  We haven’t heard a peep about it since the election.  But I’d bet we’ll be hearing an awful lot about it, in about four years.

12.  Vast sums of money will be given to the big oil companies to develop new fuels and technologies for more efficient transportation.  Curiously, said new fuels, though more efficient, will cost exactly what the old fuels cost.

Real Americans are being allowed to fail today!  Don’t miss out on your chance to fail, too!

What good is a $1,000 tax credit going to do for someone who has no job?  How about a vacation to bankruptcy court??!  That’s right !  You get all this, plus a self-expenses paid trip to the island of bankruptcy!

So, you’re going to get a $1,000 tax credit, plus all this cool stuff, and,  an IOU to China.  But wait, that’s not all.  If you act now, you’ll also receive this shiny, new digital TV convertor for just $49.99.  Act now!  Don’t wait, operators are standing by!

Call Now!”


One Response to “CALL NOW! FOR YOUR $1,000 TAX CREDIT, CALL NOW!”

  1. Take a good look at this stimulus bill from yesterday. My understanding is that a stimulus bill should stimulate the economy. The economy is business not doling out cash to the chronically poor who do not pay taxes or create jobs. How does this stimulate the economy. I want the program to work especially if we are doling out a trillion dollars of MY tax dollars, but I can’t see enough stimulus in this bill. I agree with you, this is more about presentation rather than substance. The Democrats always seem to care more about buying future votes than about helping businesses. Businesses are the economy, not unemployed welfare recipients.

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